Mel

To cheat or not to cheat?

Things don't get more "Pursuit of Your Boyfriend" than this… eh, unless it's Pursuit of Your Husband, I suppose. A story about cheating was provoked by Monday night's episode of "How I Met Your Mother." (BROS BEFORE HOES!) I told my boyfriend about a cheating incident in which I'm truly embarrassed about — a stupid mistake made OVER TEN YEARS ago that...

Mel

If it is really a word, then it should not be.

...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Warning for those that are the bearers of already small penises: BEWARE! Belief in fatally retracting genitals, or a belief in genital theft, is usually known by the name Koro. The word is of uncertain origin but is thought to derive from the Malaysian word for tortoise, (sometimes locally used as a slang term for the penis), perhaps with a nod to the tortoises' ability to retract its head into its...

Mel

Hot like Tango

Congratulations to Paulius and staff for The Velvet Tango Room being selected to the Conde Nast Traveler Hot List Nights 2008! You are so well-deserving of this honor.

Mel

Apple disappoints

For the first time in about 8 years of Mac ownership, I am pissed off. I was pissed once before during a massive hard drive kaput, but recovered, since it was fixable and another time when the woman kept referring to an amber light on my iPod, to which I've never seriously recovered. I was completely floored upon calling Apple Support yesterday to learn THEY COULD NOT HELP ME. Yes, that is actually...

Mel

Will my degree also be mailed?

In the last few weeks I've received multiple letters and emails in reference to my impending graduation. I'm a few courses shy of leaving for good in May, and I probably won't hit commencement ceremonies for another couple semesters. Apparently CSU did not get its own memo. But they tell me I'm graduating with honors — magna cum laude, bitches.

Mel

Office mumblings

What I said today: Stupid mother-effin piece of fucking craphole.I'm in love with my fax machine. I'm glad his package is small… Under any other references unrelated to loan closing packages, those words should n'er be uttered!

Mel

Waterloo hullabaloo!

Shoparooni in the Collinwood neighborhood of Cleveland organized a street-wide scavenger hunt on Waterloo this past Saturday. The scavenger list, provided by the store, incorporated the silliness of random photography as well as individual cafe, gallery and store promotions. And taking pictures doing silly tasks certainly ranks up there on my list of fun-things-to-do.  After having naughty fun with...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Hello, lovers of all things in sets of two! Today's penis discussion is: diphallus. The double penis is a medical world anomaly that has about 100 documented cases and afflicts around one in every 5.5 million men. As if man is not a dick enough… but I'll stop with the dick/man jokes while the visions are still randy. Sadly, the second penis is rarely usable, which goes against my method of...

Mel

Fun on Friday

The SATC website has this ridiculous time waster on its webpage: "Match Your Man" by taking a short quiz to see which SATC male character he matches. I got Harry: No, his social skills aren't perfect. No, he's not empiraclly handsome. And yes, he might even chew with his mouth open. But Harry is loyal, devoted, and treats you like a queen. As a bonus, he's intelligent, successful,...

Mel

0-Bitch in 1.8 seconds

Yup, folks. It happened. I officially got "the blog" thrown in my face tonight. While I was trying to be respectful of an argument (that's of course my fault) I spun some of my written words around to convey to my readers that nothing ever was amiss. The boyfriend sees no lines of respect, seeing as how I am just a bitch and I should write about what really happened. Which is the...

Mel

36 hours without sleep would break anyone! – Day Six

A few things I forgot to mention about the previous portions of the trip: the minute we landed in Frankfurt there was an amazing rainbow. AMAZING! Secondly, there was also public transportation strike in Berlin. No trains. No busses. A lot of walking and looking for crazy German taxi drivers. After the solemn Paris tour, I drove overnight back to Frankfurt, stopping once for an hour near the Luxembourg...

Mel

Had the real season started?

From now on, his name is W.T.F. Sabathia. You know something's wrong if someone other than ME is cheering for Dellucci. Seriously though, nice homer. Drinks to celebrate?

Mel

“And we all know how well you read maps!” (Paris) – Day Five

Upon leaving Brussels, there was still a certain tension in the air between my boyfriend and I. Because of stupid events like him breaking my camera and offering a half-assed apology with no recourse, to him getting pissed about 10 minutes later at ME for whatever unknown reason (we were crossing the street??), to my follow-up public humiliation of him when he DARED take the hotel key to leave me in the...

Mel

A lil’ something to get you over the hump!

To the narcissist: Uh, did somebody cancel on you to… brush her hair? And this guy apparently is too broke to even pay for his own pleasure. Kinda gives tit-for-tat a whole new meaning, eh? Let me see: "loves to go to the beach"? Boring. "romance"? Boring. Three payments of $29.99? Doesn't sound too exciting of an offer for me. Wait… "carring"? WTF is...

Mel

“Two weeks, in fuckin’ Bruges. In a room like this? With you? No way!” – Day Four

(The quote is from the movie "In Bruges" with Colin Farrell for those interested…) We decided to stay another night at our hotel in Brussels. The drive to Bruges was about an hour, highlighted by slightly overcast skies. What started out as a beautiful day, soon turned to a downpour for the remainder of our afternoon. Bruges is an amazing canal-filled medieval city, and quite frankly, one...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

I'm sure most are aware of the band Incubus, BUT do you know what an incubus is? According to legend, incubus is a demon (male) that, for intents and purposes, attempts to have sex with women (or men, if I suppose the ghost is horny enough) while asleep. AND if you were not subsequently freaked out enough by that information, remember Merlin the Wizard? Legend has it, he was assumed to be a Cambion...

Mel

I wish I was a lil’ bit taller, I wish I was a baller.

If you haven't nominated your pick for Cleveland's Most Eligible Single, you have less than two weeks to do so via Cleveland.com. I have no idea what prizes and/or notoriety came with the event, but maybe you can give that "nice guy" or "classy broad" a chance at love. Seems this is more a contest for, say, Valentine's Day, but Spring has sprung… and if you're...

Mel

Obsessive stuffs… and stuff.

I've felt as though I've been drifting through some dense fog. It's not hormones (that's another week off), but some seriously swinging mood shifts. I realized that I've been dealing with a slight depression having my sister leave for Arizona again. Sigh, its just sad we're not altogether anymore. I was also really stressed about a "sales" meeting with a top tier potential...

Mel

I just came for the free condoms!

From the awesome-ness that is my soon-to-be Alma Matter: SAFER SEX FEST – TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY Whether you choose to be abstinent or sexually active, join CSU Health & Wellness Services for the Safer Sex-fest on Tuesday April 15 th and Wednesday April 16 th from 11:00am-1:00pm in the Rhodes Tower Lobby. There will be FREE giveaways and important information. Learn how to make safer...