Mel

The only thing missing was the strip club…

It was Guys Night Out Saturday in Cleveland. I get invited because I think, act and drink like a guy. Ten-fold, I reign supreme because when I hit on chicks, I get to touch their breasts… if I ask politely. My boy Doopie and I started at the Grog Shop to see opening band Paper Rival from Nashville. Completely worth the $12 cover and $3 domestics. (Ack). If you are a fan of indie rock, pay attention....

Mel

Are you in the Tribe?

I love this catch phrase (seen on the electronic billboard during rush hour this a.m.). Opening Day, bitches! Mel will be sitting at her boss’ desk enjoying the game via cable. Sad. My vacation time is spent… For good measure, I might order up a bitcher of beer from the bar upstairs. For your viewing pleasure: Mr. David Dellucci’s roster page. Seriously… can I get a re-take? It...

Mel

I wish Kelly Clarkson would just go die

Today is a combination of feelings — I wish they were only good ones, but they’re not. Opening Day! Signifies the beginning of Spring — everything new, refreshed, blooming. I’m wearing my Grady jersey to get myself in the mood, but I’m stuck in some emotional cycle of apathy and anger… and discontent. Something majorly territorial snapped in me during my spring...

Mel

Simply Sinful…

Forbes came out with another one of those surveys. This time around, you get a nice US map to lead you to all that is sin. You get seven. Which is your favorite? (Take a guess as to mine). Don't be surprised to learn that Cleveland is nowhere on any list. Nope, not even sloth. I'm sure at some point in the mass exodus of our population, we'll just be taken out of that "big city"...

Mel

“We’re from Holland. Who the fuck are you?” – Day Two of Six

(Yes, They seriously said that on the radio!)  Ah, the drive to the Netherlands. We had to cross back over Germany. Somewhere near another McDonald's stop, we found a small village called (I think) "Apfelen" in the distance off the highway. The town was eerily unpopulated for a bright afternoon, but housed a super old church with a small 18th-century cemetery in back. We fueled up...

Mel

Inside voices, please!

I tossed-and-turned over whether to post this today… but I realize I’m still pissed. Hopefully, this vent will help me move through it. I haven’t felt so hot the last few days. Maybe it’s delayed jet lag, maybe it’s another bout of the flu coming around.  I attempted to retreat to bed early the other night (at the boyfriend’s house) to no avail. I just asked to...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Wet dreams*, or nocturnal emissions, are a pure fascination of mine (but obviously not as much as the female breasts). Here are some awesome facts to ponder while you drift off to Happy Land this evening: they do and can happen to women (I cannot recollect being so lucky), it is messier with men (as if you needed an explanation, pervs), usually stop during periods of sexual activity — or constant...

Mel

European Road Trip: “Gute Fahrt!” — Day One of Six

Our flight via Northwest began from Detroit and carried us just under 8 hours to Frankfurt overnight. I still couldn’t sleep — even with two pills. After a short airport shuttle ride to Thrifty, we picked up my rental car AND proceeded to be upgraded to an Audi A3 Sportback… much improved from a reserved Ford Ka, eh? Thankfully, I still remembered how to drive stick (and received...

Mel

Catching up on Top Model

You know how some people are just more beautiful when they keep their mouth shut? Whitney, Whitney, Whitney… you used to be so hot.

Mel

I know, I know, I missed Penis Tuesday!

This interesting factoid, taken from wikipedia: (Don’t click on the link, unless you would like to see penises!!) The human penis is both longer and thicker than that of any other primate both in absolute terms and in relative size compared with the rest of the body. By the way, if ever traveling to Amsterdam, penis-to-boob ratio is about 11:1. Carry on, bachelorette parties!...

Mel

Tag, I’m it!

Deanna tagged me on her blog… and I should probably be doing other things, but this gets me a post on my page for the day. LOL 10 years ago:While I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 10 years ago, I’m almost positive I was still with my high school boyfriend… and still taking classes at Lakeland. 5 Things on my to-do list today:Call insurance company about scratch on rental car...

Mel

I haven’t slept in so long…

Miss me? I made the long trek home to Cleveland tonight. So many stories to tell… Let me fix this jet lag thing first. Btw, the vegetarian option on northwest from Germany is just disgusting. The crew gave me something for lunch that looked like a scrapple-and-butter sandwhich (while cleverly telling me on the german labeling “no pork”). Meanwhile I will also be working on gourging myself...

Mel

OVERWHELMED!

Last night (after finally breaking free of my anger cycle), I finally got really excited about my trip. I’ve been having overwhelming feelings of flight anxiety, with subsequent plane nightmares, and (the usual) monetary woes typical of any last-minute vacation planning, with a side of situational insomnia. The time change has not helped one bit either. I hibernated all weekend and still...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Overheard in my office (I wish I were lying): He’s like a buck-fifty-five and half of him is dick!

Mel

Bad day for Taurus…

My horoscope today: Today’s Taurus Horoscope: Mar 10, 2008 Things are suddenly coming to a difficult stalemate regarding the love and romance in your life, dear Taurus. Perhaps you felt like everything was going fine and that you had nothing to worry about. In reality, this notion of "everything going fine" was just your self-denial hard at work, making you think that you could continue on...

Mel

You know what-is-what… what the… FUCK?

Some male on this earth please explain to me the thought process behind text messaging somebody you met… A YEAR LATER. I received an anonymous message after 10 last night that said You want to get together sometime? After poking-and-prodding the sender to figure out who the fuck doesn’t have his head screwed on straight, “Rob” from said (albeit, drunkly) he met me last year at...

Mel

No, I have not forgotton about baseball!

I love me some Trevor Crowe: "See my bat? It’s about this size. " "I will take these hands then and caress your butt." The bench blocks the ass shot (of course): Says Skinner: "That Mel Chick from that blog is still writing about you this year… more. ass. shots." David Dellucci puckers up:"When I break da bats, I come for...

Mel

I understand compass directions. The boyfriend knows the mileage.

Guess what sweet-ass homeboys and sexy bartenders? I’m going to Europe again… NEXT WEEK. Sweet, right? Magma and I will be traveling for a week, hoping to hit: Frankfurt, Cologne, Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris and Bern. I intend to only pack a back-pack. Wish me luck.

Mel

Penis Tuesday – Around the World Edition (or a lil’ something to offend everybody!)

Pu?? usually refers to a very small penis. Romance language? A very small penis is certainly not romantic. Der Pimmel is a reference to your "hammer" in German. Der Pimmel is a Tool. Bring on the Kampflesben! We all know the rumor with Japanese having cin cin. I don’t enjoy search parties. And the Italians are all ceffo. With or without their pants on. Please "Finnish" off the...

Mel

Urgh. Hangovers.

While it’s no surprise I’m getting older (shocking, right?), I’m not getting any better with the handling of my alcohol. In fact, it’s getting worse. I have two-day hangovers and I spend the entire day after a night of drinking praying to porcelain Gods and Target bags. Even worse than that, I made a POINT to drink water in between drinks and to NOT have as many cocktails as I...