Mel

Google Says What?

how to fuck up an ex’s relationshipStalking, honey, all the way. Phone, internet, drive-by, drugging him then fucking him while he’s asleep and leaving the condom wrapper on the kitchen table. You know, the usual. i think i’m breaking up with my boyfriendYou think? You think? Jesus, you are or you aren’t. If you’re not sure what relationship status you’d like to...

Mel

Catholic Speed Dating

Ah, speed dating. I have mixed feelings about the Catholic Speed Dating event at St. Ladislas Church on April 4. First off, I am Catholic, but blasphemous as it may be, I don’t regularly follow the values and virtues of the Church (go ahead, I dare you to throw your stones), so what use would any "perfect man" in that room have for your unremarkable Easter/Christmas kind-of-girl? While I am...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Fellas, bring out the rulers: The largest verified penis on record is 13.5 inches long (some online sources state 14 inches, but I find this grossly exaggerated) and 6.25 inches around. The smallest penis on record was this guy I dated in college. Tragic.

Mel

Git-R-Done!

With all intentions to head to Chicago this past weekend for a friend’s bachelorette party, it just was not in my current budget. Hello, new laptop! (Blah) After realizing I would be available for the weekend, M² mentioned his parents had tickets to see Larry the Cable Guy at the Taft Theater in Cincinnati. Hell yes for some hilarious comedy, right? First off, the tickets were excellent —...

Mel

No truth!

Seriously, Moment of Truth. You’re killing me.

Mel

2 Hot 2 Handle… and 2 many things 2 do.

In a friend’s blog this week, I empathized with her most recent "female breakdown." As I posted in her comments, I had my own come-out-of-nowhere sob fest this past weekend. Amidst a general query to home-improvement projects, I start to get really upset and  burst into streaming tears. I can’t pin-point if it was result to frustration over the conversation or just your...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Surprisingly (or not, thankyouverymuch, Verizon), my cell phone does not work at my office — or at home when the wind blows SSE. The subsequent text and voice mail messages I miss throughout the work-day then all load through when I power up the piece-of-shit-phone after I leave the office. Tuesday, the first missed text is from an unknown 440 number expressing:  Oops sorry! accidently Sent pic...

Mel

Status: happy… and trimming the relationship fat

I casually mentioned that the next time My Man (M², his new nickname) and I head to Sam’s Club, that we HAVE to load up on some sugary sweets. The cupboards are currently filled with everything of the cracker and tortilla chip variety (and he just eats up those cowtails too quickly). He asks what I have a craving for and my response was "strawberry wafer cookies" (random, right?). Out of...

Mel

P.O.U. to PR (My Piss On You to the PR Dept.) Notice

Hi Great Lakes Science Center! I know we haven’t been much in the way of friends these last few years — as our last few outings were bland, uneventful and at best, flat in the "Woo!" Department. Through our absence, I truly didn’t miss you much, or really even speak much of our strained relationship. Not until last week, when I read about our mutual chocolate obsession in one...

Mel

Drink. Drank. Drunk.

Forbes Traveler just posted a list of signature drinks from around the world. Boring and typical, at best. They missed one of my favorites: Becherovka On my summer holiday to the Czech Republic, the name of this drink, affectionately nicknamed the "Christmas Drink" by locals, was on bar chalkboards across Prague. Produced in Karlovy Vary, this sacred concoction — only two people know the...

Mel

Moving on up to the… east side?

After an embarrassingly awkward pre-party conversation Saturday night about why My Man and I don’t live together, I felt as though maybe it was a topic we should start talking about. Yes, you may all call "crazy" on me, but the fact is, the upgrade to personal closet space already happened months ago and the stay over percentages have grossly adjusted to about 90% in favor of his residence...

Mel

43 Cleveland+ things for 2008 (or 2009), Clevie

Christine gave the challenge. Here’s my list: 1. Explore underground, old subway tunnel. 2. Visit an abandoned building/warehouse with Great Lakes Urban Exploration or an old amusement park location (Chippewa Lake??) from a boat counts, right? I’ll be back before it’s torn down! 3. Row in Lake Erie and/or any water canal. 4. Explore the waterfront on bike (how about “buy a...

Mel

And ladies, you’re also welcome…

You can add this post to the "if-I-were-single-but-I’m-glad-I’m-not" file. From Cleveland Magazine, your February-issued hot-hot-HOT local singles: Derek Hess -  The consummate rock star of Cleveland. Just his simple adoration of our fine rust-belt city is enough to make this NEO-er swoon. And who doesn’t love the creative mind? Jeff Kapostasy – Grammar freak...

Mel

You’re Welcome…

Here I am, rock me like a hurricane. I was bored with my hair again (surprised?). Lookie what I went and did:.    Esteban is on a hitting streak with: "La Degustation" by The Lovers, "Put Us Back Together Right" by Headlights and "Seeds of Night" by The Cave Singers. Oh, and Mr. Jim Eastman, thank you eternally for the "Sandwiches" song on your page. ...

Mel

East 4th District

A continuation of emailed suggestions for Cleveland Nights Out for out-of-towners: Lola is the ONLY option you should consider for dinner (quite possibly the best food in Cleveland…). Lola is near House of Blues in the E4th Street/Euclid area — world-class food, service and think Iron Chef WINNER when you make your reservations. Other restaurant options include (if you cannot get reservations):...

Mel

I’ve had plenty of Joe jobs. Nothing I would call a career.

As part of my new budgeting and organization goals for the new year (resolutions just sounds so cliche), I began the arduous task of cleaning out a cluttered two-drawer filing cabinet system in which I’ve had since I graduated high school (at least the crap is hidden within metal drawers). I get bored on random Friday nights and go through certain files and toss things that have passed the five-year...

Mel

Day Five of the “Ask About My Boyfriend” Series

Tara asks: I have a question… does your boyfriend know about this blog?  If so, what does he think about it? Yes, Tara, he knows about the blog. He has been a loyal reader since my entertaining enlightening single days. I had a feeling when we started dating that he knew… and he admitted reading it (and "Googling" me) for YEARS. (Ugh and HA! all rolled up in the same thought)....