Mel

Call Waiting

Ringtone: “Don’t Stop” by Michael Jackson (which means it’s my close friend) Mel: I’m glad you called. I was in the middle of driving myself off a bridge into Lake Erie, but realized I’m on 71-South going nowhere. Thanks for interrupting. What’s up? Does anybody else have a really strange ritual in going through something emotionally breaking? I go into a haze...

Mel

Missed “Pancake” Connection on Craiglist

I have my own thoughts after reading THIS, but my point is moot. I will allow one judgment: I’m so sick-and-tired of men being fucking cowards. I’m completely exhausted with wearing the balls in a relationship. When will grown men stop acting like pansies and pussies and begin developing a backbone for the women of substantial significance in their...

Mel

CSI: Cleveland Sports Illustrated

First things first, big hells yeah for Baseball Preview issue when I arrive home after a… day. Christ, I’m sick AGAIN. This time, not ear, but throat and fever. Holy Moses beer instead of anti-biotics? Sure ’nuff. Thoughts: 1. Dammit for Kevin Kouzmanoff being listed under the “8 Who May Be Great”… as a fucking Padre. Kouz, just remember your lawn crew from the...

Mel

Liver is evil. Must be punished!

For the first time in a number of years, I spent St. Patrick’s day outside Cleveland proper. I have spent numerous Cleveland hours standing at parade routes (with one year as a parade participant) in wind, snow, rain and sun and plenty of existential drinking moments that I’d just as soon forget — or already have — PLUS I knew the ex might be here and felt I just needed some...

Mel

Secretly vindictive…

I’m on a man-hating rampage. The clouds opened up today for a moment when I learned the Goddess of Relationships Past beaned my ex in the head with a pitch (again). Sigh… Who cares if he dumped me three years ago? It gave raison d’etre that the most-recent ass-fuck that went away to go find himself Pluto without so much of a text message will get his. So, I’m not quite past the...

Mel

I could do without modern technology

A long, long day culminates to this text message (spelling errors DEFINITELY not mine): Deleating u from my phone finally. Still so fuked why u would try and hook up when ur engauged to a cop! Wow, soo dishonest, u had me fooled, peace out Let’s chat. First, I am not engaged. Surprise, I’m sure, but sadly, no. Now, I was dating a cop not too long ago, but if there was a ring involved, I...

Mel

You betta have lost all ten fingers and had your mouth stitched shut!

You know, I could call you. At that same sensibility, you could call me too. Yet, you continually wait for ME to make the first move and I’m tired of doing the chasing. I have plenty of spare minutes in the day to think of you and send along a little email or text message to let you know throughout all the hectic scheduling, I still have thoughts of YOU. I work over 40 hours a week, attend college...

Mel

I spent the five o’clock hour losing half my water weight

Christ, Fitworks. Take it down a notch. 80 degrees is NOT a comfort zone. I pre-emptively mentioned that “things were better” in regard to my hearing loss… well, for a day anyway. While plugging away at my internship, I experienced this unsettling ear pop, then about an hours-worth of vertigo-associated symptoms. My palms were sweating so intensely that I watched the beads of...